Where words only sting a little bit





The 2019 Iowa Hawkeyes: 2 games, 2 covers led by a beef jerky stuck in your tooth stubborn defense (no surprise) with talented depth at running back and wide receiver (big surprise). The most diverse Hawkeye offensive attack since 2010 has Iowa State Head Coach Matt Campbell waking up in cold sweats gripping his Winnie the Pooh stuffed animal with white knuckles. The Cyclones thought it was a good idea to play Northern Iowa to 3 overtimes in Week 1 and then have a bye week (Busch league move) before their Super Bowl vs the Hawkeyes. Instead of rest, the extra time has created paranoia and borderline insomnia for the Iowa State coaching staff as they review the tape of the Hawkeyes two victories. Compounding their anxiety is ESPN launching the Gameday crew into the cesspool known as Lames, Iowa. While Iowa State manages the blinding bright lights, Kirk Ferentz has slept comfortably all week knowing:

– Matt Campbell shaves in his car

– Matt Campbell uses caulk for toothpaste

– Matt Campbell’s favorite band is Creed and was caught using a fake ID buying wine coolers at a Creed concert in ‘95

– Matt Campbell requested to have his iPhone’s Siri voice changed to Kirk Ferentz’ voice

– Matt Campbell has two garbage cans of nickels outside of his office. For each time he thinks of the Hawkeyes, a nickel is tossed in the Rubbermaid.

– Matt Campbell uses an Iowa alum as his financial advisor

– The Samoan Samurai AJ Epenesa dons the black and gold

Stiks pik to Clik: Iowa QB Nate Stanley. #4 has NFL tools, but does he have NFL between the ears? Stanley’s Tombstone style facial hair is evidence he is getting some dog in him. His last performance in Lames was the best road performance of his career. He exceeds that today setting an Iowa record for most passing yards against the rival Cyclones and throws for 7 TDs.

It’s hate week. Love thy neighbor, hate the Cyclones….then give them a hug around 7pm today. When the Hawkeyes drop the double nickel on them (that’s 55 for you Iowa State grads), they will be crushed. This is the most hyped CyHawk match up in years, Iowa State just isn’t wired for this. Know your role and know that its a Hawkeye State. Kirk Ferentz goes to 4-0 against Matt Campbell and flips a nickel to the Iowa State equipment guy on the way out: get some new uniforms. In Heaven There is No Beer….